A letter for the lost,
I don’t know what your intentions were that day. You left me in possibly one of the most disappointing situations in my life.
I was in such a sensitive position talking to you that night on Steam. I just split up with Esteban. My expectations were non-existent however. Whether you got mad or abusive; I didn’t care. When you responded politely I was confused and a little worried. Small things were our conversation that night and we had fun playing question games. We kept talking through the night. Then the night after that. And the night after that.
A few days later we met up. I thought I could handle it – seeing your face. I tried preparing myself with photos of you on your online profiles, and I told myself it would be no problem. Your face was freshly shaven and you smelled like expensive cologne when you jumped into my car. You would not look me in the eye, you must have been a little nervous too. We drove and drove, unsure where to go as certain places may have bought back bad memories.
We found ourselves some-place new, in the dark, with an awkward but exciting aura around us. We conversed and laughed and found ourselves leaning in towards each other in the dim light. I wanted to hold you close like I had so many times before; but fear was holding me back.
I dropped you home and started for the long trek back to my home. It was possibly the longest and most memorable drive of my life. My mind was heavy with memories and emotions; good and bad. By the time I got to sleep that night it was early morning.
The next few days were a blur. Every day dripped by slowly as I waited for the moment I could get home from work and begin talking to you again. We talked every day, laughed and met up frequently. Everyone always said that returning to an ex partner was always a terrible decision. This is different, I told myself, and before I knew what was happening you were back in my bed.
Weeks flew by in a swirl of dates, great sex, fun and endless excitement. It was different this time. It made our previous two years look like child’s play. We were serious, more mature, and in turn just worked well together. He treated a princess; he took me out to dinner once a week where before it was once a year. Things could have not gone any better.
Then came one very exciting day of my life. I was about to do something that I had been waiting on for years. The anticipation of this day was beyond counting down the days, I was counting down the seconds and I had planned everything out so it would be perfect.
Those plans shattered into millions of pieces of broken nothings.
I don’t know what your intentions were that day. You left me in possibly one of the most disappointing situations in my life. I was devastated, and your response was to walk away. Your reasons were somewhat legitimate; but when you care about someone and they need you, you don’t leave them for selfish reasons. But you left, and you never came back.